After a long silence and several moves into the game, Percy stared at the board too long for Eli’s patience. “You take any more time starin’ at the squares on the board and I’m gonna either make another move or lean over and bop you on the head Perce.”
Jesse, continuing his observations of people, clouds and the like, was suddenly distracted by Eli’s threat, “Eli, I’ll give you another five bucks if you can lean over and simply touch Percy on the noggin’ without falling over yourself.”
“Ah, shuddup and go back to yer counting clouds Jess. Us real men are tryin’ to play a game here.”
Jesse, taking Eli’s bate for a banter of sorts, replied quickly, “So yer what we have as an example of a ‘real man’, ay Eli? If you are even half way accurate, which I doubt, the lot of humanity is obviously in trouble!”
Distracted by this unusual input from Jesse, Percy looked up from the board and altered his gaze between his brothers as they exchanged childish challenges. Knowing Eli wouldn’t take Jesse’s retort with ease, he paused, waiting for Eli’s response. But Eli refused to respond and just looked down at the board, which had not changed, then to Percy with a glaring stare.
Eli then raised his eyebrows to Percy as if to say, “You gonna move or what?”
Percy just smiled, sensing a potential for emotional victory. He looked at Eli, then at Jesse whose attention remained fixed on his brothers and said, “I think it’s my turn for a question. When your life is all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I mean we, all three of us, I think most of our lives together, have said a lot, claimed a lot, tried to portray some sort of ego-ideal of ourselves. But do we really live up to what we claim to be?”
Eli’s mouth dropped open just a bit as he stared blankly at Percy. Jesse couldn’t contain his surprise, mixed with a bit of wonder, at Percy’s question. Jesse was impressed. Maybe more impressed with himself, feeling he was suddenly a prime example of what Percy was getting at. Wanting to stave off his pride, Jesse pondered the question a moment then answered.
“Well I think…”
Before Jesse could share his thoughts, Eli, with mixed feelings revealing themselves clothed in a bit of anger, grabbed the edge of the concrete table with his hands and cut him off.
“You’re gonna ask a question like that when our lives are near the end, when there is little we can do to change? I for one think I’ve been a good man, a pretty good husband and father.”
“Eli, Eli! I didn’t mean to offend and certainly didn’t mean to imply anything of the sort! Hell, I’ve always looked up to you for your qualities. Well, except maybe that temper of yours. Don’t scowl – I meant that lightly. I guess I’m not as adept as little brother over there at asking deep philosophical questions. What I meant really was do you feel you’ve been true to yourself in your life?”
Now feeling embarrassed for his little outburst, Eli relaxed his grip on the table and let the tensed muscles in his face relax. Before he could gather himself and apologize, Jesse broke the moment of silence.
“I think we all three have it in us to be philosophical. How could we not growing up with the likes of Gramps and Dad. Gramps being the more lofty, Dad a bit more down to earth. But before I share my answer I’d like to say something about something Eli just expressed. Bro, it’s never too late to change – if that is something you wish for yourself. We can’t change other people, but we certainly can change ourselves. And, I might stress, it is never too late to change oneself. But, personally, Eli, I don’t see anything you need to change about yourself, but it seems a bit obvious you feel you do.”
By the time Jesse finished that thought, Eli had turned himself on the bench to better face his youngest brother. First addressing Jesse, then, before finishing, he turned his head to look straight in Percy’s eyes saying, “I’m sorry for that outburst, especially to you Perce.” Turning back to face Jesse, “And Jess perhaps yer right. There is a lot about myself I wish I had changed in younger years. Things that are hidden inside. Percy’s right though. Right about me anyway. I have often felt like I put on a show for everyone. I wrestle deep inside with things I just can’t seem to overcome. But those are things anyone else would never guess about me. Heh, it’s like the criminal that neighbors say about him after he’s been caught – ‘I never would have guessed that about him’. That’s what got me angry Percy, not you.”
Looking at his older brother, Percy responded, “Now I feel like you a bit Eli – don’t go gettin’ all mushy on us!”
At that the three Rowe brothers laughed out loud together. They shared another few moments of silence with smiles on their faces before Jesse renewed sharing his thoughts.
“I think that’s just it. As hard as I have tried all of my life, well my adult life anyway, I’ve tried to be honest about who I am – first to myself. And I figure if a person is true to themselves, who they appear to be on the outside is truly who they are on the inside. ”
Eli and Percy sat staring off into nowhere as they both contemplated what Jesse said. After a moment, it was Eli that spoke up next and said something that amazed both his younger brothers.
“I watch this anthropologist on YouTube almost every day. He’s quite good. His videos are varied and far reaching. What I’ve come to learn about him is that he is definitely a truth seeker. In an episode just the other day he shared a quote that stated at the end, ‘Truth fears no investigation’. That really had me thinking and it seems that’s kinda what we’re talkin’ about here. If we are truthful with ourselves, change what we need to about ourselves – to better ourselves – we can then be sure that who we are will or can stand up under scrutiny. ”
Eli was sitting blocking Percy’s direct view of Jesse. Dumbfounded, both leaned in synch to look around Eli at each other. Then, slowly, they returned to their initial positions. Eli, noticing their reaction, continued rotating his gaze back and forth until somebody said something. The silence was too much for him. Finally, he blurted out, “What!?! I have some deep thoughts too ya know!”
Neither Jesse nor Percy wanted to dare spoil the moment by setting Eli off again. Smiling, Percy spoke up, “We know brother. That’s why we have always looked up to you. You just keep it all bottled up too much. It’s nice to hear though. I believe it’s your move.”