I Had a Dream
The night/morning of October 8, 2022
Hardly a night goes by when, as I lay my head to the pillow in bed before closing my eyes to sleep, I ask my Guardian to lead me into the Spiritual realms and bring to me a message, something through which I may learn of my (higher) self, my “I”, and of life in general. This night was to bring me a very powerful message…
Request, Roland Tiller
I had a dream about a man that was a friend of sorts, an acquaintance. I think I was friends with his wife, however. This man was a just man, an honest, hard working man devoted to his family. However he had gotten himself in trouble a couple of times in his (recent) life and served time in prison (twice). He was currently out of prison and working on a job requiring hard labor and long hours.
The man, now out of prison, had certain things he had to do as a requirement of his parole (I think it had something to do with taking medication [ha], which he did not do). The authorities knew of this failure and sought to put him back in prison for failing to abide by the terms of his parole. He had a scheduled meeting with his “advisor/representative” on the matter. The meeting was set to take place in a small café in the small town where he and his wife (and I guess children, but of that I am not sure – it was not made clear to me in the dream). He knew of the meeting of course and intended to go but due to his work responsibilities, he either forgot or simply could not make it to the appointment. The meeting was (in this man’s and his wife’s hopes) going to inform him that his advisor “fixed” things so he would not have to return to prison (third strike offense type thing) – his advisor was also his advocate, explaining to the authorities his reasons for failing to abide with the terms of his parole.
I knew of this appointment. I also knew that the man was not going to make it due to his work. This is where the dream took on a strange aura. It was as if I was the man’s eyes, seeing the world through his eyes in that moment, in real time. It was like I was watching a movie. I was there at his job, which had to do with hard work on the railroad, on a train or something that was traveling along as I watched from left to right as the scenery rolled by.
Suddenly I was back in myself and I got a rush of panic. I suddenly realized the man would not make his appointment, so I went in his stead. I knew by sight the other man, the advocate, and when I entered the café he was sitting at a small square table, his paperwork spread out in front of him as he sipped his coffee. He looked up and recognized me and waved for me to sit down with him. As I did so I realized he thought I was the man, my “friend”. I made no effort to correct him but listened to what he had to say. He told me the courts would not relent nor forgive and he was to report back to prison. He gave me what I perceived were two “cards” or documents the size of large cards – most likely my documents about dates, locations, etc. regarding my reporting back to prison. As I left I pondered why he thought I was the man. “Do we look that much alike?” I asked myself.
I left the café with a great, deep sorrow in my heart for the man, and especially his wife. As I walked away from the café stunned as to what to do, the man’s wife, my friend, walked up to me. The advisor had left the café and I knew he could see the two of us. I began to cry, deeply, fighting back the rush of sorrowful tears as I walked up to the woman, took her hand, and led her away to somewhere private.
I led us into a small park around the corner where I found a quiet place we could talk. I began to inform her that her husband was required to return to prison. At that very moment I awoke from the dream, real tears streaming down my cheeks as I lie in bed. I lay there and stared at the ceiling, pondering the dream further and wiping my cheeks and eyes. Then the message of the dream, in the form of a question, was put to me “from above”: I want you to go in this man’s stead. Would you do that for Me?
With that impressed upon my very soul, I wrestled inside for an answer: An answer I could not produce. Of course I want to say yes, but as real and vivid as the dream was I could not pass it off so easily as to say “Heh, it wasn’t real, God isn’t really asking you to take a man’s place in prison.” However, in the scope of what I understand about reality, about the connection and relationship between matter and spirit, I could not allow myself to pass it off so simply.
God is so very faithful and loving toward us all, every single Human Being. He wants nothing more than to see us become what He has intended for us. Christ stated, and I have no doubt that in that moment He did so very emphatically, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Matthew 7:7). This night, as I’m sure He does every time I ask, He answered in such a powerful way that there was no ignoring it, no lack of my attention to the detail of the dream, no mistaking the “message”.
I have struggled for a while now trying to define what I am, what I do, how I should characterize my efforts in transcribing various works of Rudolf Steiner and others that open up to us in this, the fifth post-Atlantean epoch, especially at the time when we have hardened ourselves to the material world, the world of matter, the physical realm and are living in a time when, unlike any other time in Human history, we are on our own: We are fully and completely free. They say freedom is never free. It is not. The freedom we possess is greater than ever before, but is the freedom to choose spiritual over matter, or matter over spiritual. One leads to one end, the other to a polar opposite ending. We are free to choose. So just before sitting down to record last night’s dream (really this morning’s dream) I asked the question: “What exactly am I, as I do this work?” Well, true once again to His Word, I (finally) received the answer. It has been with me all along, hidden in the word describing act of “transcribing”. “You are My scribe” was the answer.
So, in sum, I now understand more of the “why” of what I do, sitting at this computer. As for the other question He has asked me? For some time now I have considered myself a man of little fear. However this question has first of all revealed to me I still have much (internal) fear to overcome. Secondly, it has revealed to me the real reality of where I stand in my own gauging of my spiritual progress.
Regarding His question in relation to the dream? I deeply desire to answer “yes”. But I am afraid to do so – if I am honest with myself. And, therefore, I am not as “spiritual” as I either thought I was or desire to be. The good in all of this? He has made abundantly clear to me His Love for me – in spite of my shortcomings and hesitations to do His Will. He is with me, even to the end of the Ages.
He loves you too – just as much – my friend. And He will not abandon you even if you abandon Him. He is with us, forever, even to the end of the Ages.
Source of “Request” by Roland Tiller: Tiller Studio